Author: Faine Greenwood

She graduated from Princeton on a mission: a mission to save the world. Preferably with microcredit and hugs, and lots of selfies with poor children who live on trash heaps.

There is another crass, capitalist catalog out there, beyond the well-known horrors of four-figure Williams Sonoma hen houses. There is another. There is…Frontgate. Unlike Williams Sonoma, as was so masterfully described earlier this month at Deadspin, Frontgate caters to the wealthy person who does not have pretensions of living in a rustic French estate. No, Frontgate […]

This species of expatriate found Asia much more pleasant when it was theoretical, nicely ensconced on a glossy page inside of an Ivy-covered library, perhaps. The study trip he went on sophomore year was guided by professors and everyone they met was pleasing and English speaking, and someone ordered his noodles for him. Why not […]

Australian Yobbos are found wherever there is a beach and cheap beer, although more adventurous (or clueless) members of the species can sometimes be seen staring blankly at maps in remote villages in Laos. Incomprehensible accents only grow so more so after considerable application of cheap, slightly stale beer. Communicate with sign language. Their spawning […]

Lest all my foreign friends think I’m singling them out for special abuse….here’s Sinister Middle Aged American Contractor On Leave. This species is usually found hanging around in inexpensive bars, and tends to emerge from its den as early as 10:30 AM to prevent an attack of the shakes. Often has a wife at home, […]

I’m thinking of doing a visual guide to Southeast Asia expatriates. For some reason, I was in the mood to draw French people last night.   Another mysterious species:

  My shame is minimal. In reference to this: The Thought Leader  – David Brooks, New York Times.

I’ve been living in countries that are not America, where they have Holiday Traditions I remember reading about in picture books in fifth grade. In the places I have been recently, holidays involve things like throwing rice to your dead extended families, Easter processions that visit eight different chapels, and a Balinese day of silence […]

Here I make an artistic statement. The statement indicates pain. It also indicates I should not be allowed to use Photoshop. I have also made a non-denominational horseshoe crab Christmas card. It was inspired by this photo. Horseshoe crabs are a reasonably common Florida animal,and one I have complicated, surrealist childhood memories of. Like all […]